I feel like I need to write some things down, journal stuff, so just a warning. Life is weird. That's the only word I can think of right now. I am so happy with lots of my life, with my fabulous husband and my fabulous kids, but there is still something that isn't quite right. I think it's me. Sometimes I just so want to be that mom who is so fun with her kids, doesn't yell at them, makes them feel so special and mostly just takes time to be with them individually so they know that their mom loves them more than anything. I feel like I don't do that. I love them, but how do you let go and show them that? Most of the time it doesn't even come to mind to do those things that would make them feel so special!! Is something wrong with me, I feel like it is. It is so hard to put into words what I mean. I pray every night to just have things come to mind in that moment when they need it and not getting upset over those things that don't matter. Like if your child gets in trouble at school (over something that is not a big deal at all) and they are devasted by it, letting them stay home the next day and doing fun things with them, like making their favorite foods, reading books together and playing games to get their minds off of it, because it wasn't a big deal at all. I instead get upset with them and send them back to school the next day. Things like that don't cross my mind to do. I so want them to have fun memories like that to remember. I want them to remember that their mom played with them instead of doing the dishes all the time. I want them to remember that I loved listening to their stories instead of being distracted. I try to work on it everyday and it seems by the end of the day I have forgotten what I meant to do, to listen, to play. It makes me sad and I try to do better the next day but lately the better isn't happening....why is there always a "but".
This is a post of wanting to be better and trying. A goal isn't a goal until it's written down, so it's written down and please forgive me if any of you think I'm crazy and have major problems, but we all do and now you know it so I am going to try and let my kids know a different side to their mom.
This is a post of wanting to be better and trying. A goal isn't a goal until it's written down, so it's written down and please forgive me if any of you think I'm crazy and have major problems, but we all do and now you know it so I am going to try and let my kids know a different side to their mom.
4 comments:
I so feel the same way, it's so much harder for me to be a fun mom, rather than a clean mom! Don't ask me why, but I am going to try harder as well!
Hey Julie! How are you? I had to leave a comment because this is something I struggle with on a daily basis. I sometimes cry myself to sleep because I realize that, only after the day is through, ANOTHER day went by that I just couldnt let the house go unattended and sit and play with my kids. I'll lay in bed at night and tell myself..tommorrow Im going to sit and play with them...20 mintues of uninterrupted time just me and the kids...I just cant seem to do it. Im horrible at it. I always see something that "needs" to be done. I too, want my kids to have happy memories and a fun mom. I dont think Im accomplishing that though. Just wanted to let you know that you are not alone on your feelings. I get frustrated because I look at these other moms and think, "what's wrong with me? why dont I enjoy my kids like they do". I love them more than anything but I just show it differently I guess.
Anyway...sorry for the novel. Guess this would have been better in a phone call. hope all is well.
ooh, i think we all do this. but, looking back, many of my favorite memories are working alongside my mom and not, necessarily playing or getting tons of attention. you are doing better than you think!
Just keep trying. You are a really good mom and we all get caught up in the every day rush. My favorite quote that I apply to my kids is "Enjoy the doing, more than the getting done" because I feel like I'm always trying to hurry them through their bath, or hurrying them to bed. I need to enjoy the bath and bedtime. Really enjoy doing it. That's how I live in the moment. I also try to keep in mind the possibilty of not having them in my life. That always puts a new perspective on it. You know what I'm talking about!!!!
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